Sunday, September 9, 2012

Beowulf ond Godsylla

Meanehwæl, baccat meaddehæle, monstær lurccen;
Fulle few too many drincce, hie luccen for fyht.
Ðen Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Æsccen æwful jeork to steop outsyd. Þhud! Bashe! Crasch! Beoom! Ðe bigge gye
Eallum his bon brak, byt his nose offe;
Wicced Godsylla wæld on his asse.
Monstær moppe fleor wyþ eallum men in hælle.
Beowulf in bacceroome fonecall bamaccen wæs;
Hearen sond of ruccus sæd, "Hwæt ðe helle?"
Graben sheold strang ond swich-blæd scharp
Stond feorth to fyht ðe grimlic foe. "Me," Godsylla sæd, "mac ðe minsemete."
Heoro cwyc geten heold wiþ fæmed half-nelson
Ond flyng him lic frisbe bac to fen
Beowulf belly up to meaddehæle bar,
Sæd, "Ne foe beaten mie færsom cung-fu."
Eorderen cocca-cohla yce-coeld, ðe reol þyng.

Beowulf and Godzilla

Meanwhile, back at the Meade hall, a monster was lurking;
Full of too many drinks, wanting to fight.
Ðen Hreorfneorhtðhwr, son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
He told the awful jerk to step outside. Thud! Bash! Crash! Boom! The big guy
His bone broke, bite his nose off;
Wicked Godzilla wailed on his ass.
Monster mopped the floor with him, men in hell.
Beowulf in the back of the room phone called bamson waste;
Haren son of Ruccus said, "What the hell?"
Grabbing shoulder stangle and switch blade sharp
Stand forth to fight the grim foe. "Me," Godzilla said, "mac the minsemete."
Hero sack getting hold whipped famed half-nelson
And flung him like a frisbee back to the fence.
Beowulf bellied up to the Meade Hall bar,
Said, "No foe has beaten me fairly kung-fu."
I ordered coca-cola ice-cold, the real thing.

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